My General Anxiety About Asking For Favors


Photo Credit: Swamibu

Something you might not know about me is that I hate asking for favors. I imagine that if I could see and read the minds of all of my IRL friends right now, they would be wrinkling their foreheads and thinking, “Wait, Ernessa just asked my ass for a favor the other day. All she does is ask me for favors.”


And that’s the weird thing: I hate to ask for favors. Asking for favors makes me incredibly anxious, and it often takes me anywhere from days to weeks to do so. Yet, I have always been someone who has depended on the kindness of family, friends and strangers to get by. You know how they always talk about black women being too independent and further more, the mules of America? When I hear stuff like that, I just shake my head in confusion.

The truth is that I have never, ever been able to take care of myself. Believe me, I’ve tried, but for whatever reason, I’m just one of those people that needs a lot of nurturing, otherwise I don’t eat, sleep, or function-at-optimum-speed.

This used to embarrass me, especially when my girlfriends would in various ways point it out while I was sleeping on their couch, receiving my third lesson in how to cook pasta (because I didn’t remember the first two from other girlfriends), or getting help with my rent for the umpteenth time. Most of them would just quietly help me stay alive, but every so once in a while someone would question my complete lack of self-suffiency outside of writing. I used to make excuses or pretend that this was just a one-off situation, but now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve grown to accept that I’m just not I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. Like at all.

So you would think I would be used to it by now, but something inside of me curdles every time I have to ask someone other than my husband for a favor. And it usually takes me an average of a week or two to ask people for favors, which is why last-minute favors are often due less to forgetfulness (as usually claimed) but because it took me too long to figure out how to ask for the things I need.

I figure this is the Universe’s way of balancing things out. Yes, I am on the receiving end of a lot of favors, but I hate being so, and I’m made deeply aware of this dichotomy, every time I go to ask anyone for anything. I also hope that it keeps my personality in balance. It’s hard to have a big ego when you know deep down inside that you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself alive if left to your own devices for more than a week.

Anyway, this is all to say, that it took me no less than three weeks to get up the courage to ask the wonderful author, Carleen Brice, for the favor of a blurb, and not only did she give me a beyond awesome one [big reveal coming in a few weeks], but she also left the nicest note on by Facebook Wall:

“Heard they’re calling your book Sixteen Candles meets E. Lynn Harris, but my take is: Davie Jones = Claireece “Precious” Jones + Bridget Jones. Which turns out to be a brain-bogglingly good mash-up!”

Anxiety is a weird thing. Most of the time I’m cursing the fates for both giving me an overabundance of it and a career path that only exacerbates it. But I’ve been floating on Ms. Brice’s blurb for a week now, and I’m reminded that sometimes the things we dislike most about ourselves serve to illuminate the payoff of overcoming them.

The Best Part

32CandlesCoverSo I got a copy of my galleys today and … well, let’s just say it really feels real now.

And it’s funny, b/c I’m at the same point in the rough draft of my second women’s fiction novel, the point where all the really delicious plot points kick in, when people connect and fall apart, and start transforming into who they’re going to be at the end of the novel. When the really starts to feel real.

Technically this is the best part, because this is the part when stuff really starts HAPPENING. However, it’s also the part of the novel that I’m most scared of. So much of writing is hard work, that it’s a little weird when you get to sweet spot of it, the part where you just get to sit back and watch your characters fight and love and do all the stuff you’ve been setting them up to do from the beginning.

On another hand, this is the worst part, b/c I become obsessed with the book. Why is this post in so late? Because yesterday I spent the time that I set aside for my Wednesday blogumn in book thrall. Why am I resenting having to get my hair together before an important meeting tomorrow? Because I’d much rather be writing. This is the good part, but life doesn’t pause for the good part.

Ah well, what can you do?


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Photo Credit: zen

Welcome Back, Demons!

So according to my outline, I’m halfway through my latest novel. And so if this entry seems to lack it’s usual up-with-writingness, that’s because I always fall a little in hate with my books when they get to this point.

The whole thing feels adrift and though I keep on reassuring myself that everything (or at least most things) can and will be fixed in the minimum four rewrites that I do of every book, it seems that the demons get louder the closer I get to any goal. And this being my second women’s fiction novel, they seem to be particularly obnoxious.


You only have one book in you! You’re trying to do too much. You’re not doing enough. This is derivative. This is too different. Why can’t you write better? Doesn’t it bother you that you totally suck at the only thing you’re any good at?

Seriously, if a man treated me like my demons treat me, I would dump him … and get a restraining order. And quite frankly, I wonder how other writers get through this bit.

I know how I get through it — basically I feel like I have no other choice due to being talented at absolutely nothing else. You know how some writers have all sort of other talents? Well, I’m not one of those writers. It literally feels like I’m slogging through a humid Florida swamp and if I want to make it out alive, I just have to keep on going OR I WILL DIE.

Also, weirdly enough, writing is the only thing that takes my mind off the fear of not being a good writer.

Funny coincidence, I’m also halfway to my New Year’s Resolution of losing forty pounds, and it’s the exact same thing, except exercising is the only thing that quiets those demons.

It’s almost like you know you’re doing something right, when the voices in your head start insisting that your doing everything wrong. Hmm…

Well in that case, welcome back demons!

Ernessa T. Carter is the author of the novel, 32 CANDLES, which will be released by HarperCollins/Amistad on June 22, 2010. Pre-order your copy on Amazon here.

Photo Credit: Rusty Boxcars

Got Any Good Writing Advice?

I’ve read two great articles chock-full of writing advice lately. One is for fiction writers from famous fiction writers in the UK Guardian, the other is for freelance writers by Christina Katz from the “Prosperous Writer” blog. But let’s focus on the Guardian article.

I was pleasantly surprised by how much of the advice I agreed and didn’t agree with. For example, I loved Elmore Leonard’s advice about not using the word “suddenly” (though it’s come way to late for me) and Helen Dunmore’s prescription of long walks to solve knotty writing problems; but I completely disagreed with Geoff Dyer about writing in public places, with Richard Ford about not having children, and with Margaret Atwood about always carrying pencils on planes b/c pens leak — I completely loathe writing in pencil.

But the main thing I realized while reading these two pieces is that I just really, really love writing advice. It makes me feel like I’m constantly learning and it’s so nice to be in a profession where advice is given so generously and often for free. That all said, here’s what I figure are my own 10 Best Pieces of Writing Advice:

etc mix poster1. Write everyday for at least an hour. If you don’t have an hour, write for 40 minutes. If you don’t have 40 minutes, write for 20 minutes. If you don’t have 20 minutes — well, you’re lying, and should really consider how bad you want this.

2. Work on one thing at a time. It’s easy to get distracted by all the other things you could be writing.

3. Commit to your novels and vow to see them all the way through to the end. Vow to self-publish if no one else will support your book, but leave no men behind, leave no money on the table, leave nothing hidden in drawers for people to find after you die.

4. Format your novels correctly. Really, this goes for all writing. Be you a screenwriter, playwright, or novelist, don’t show anyone your work unless it’s properly formatted. It speaks volumes about your professionalism and work ethic.

5. After you finish your rough draft, put it away for a month and read a bunch of books on writing. I read Self-Editing for Fiction Writers and Stephen King’s On Writing in between my 32 CANDLES drafts. And I read Walter Mosley’s This is the Year You Write Your Novel in between drafts of my rogue sci-fi novel. If there’s a good writing advice novel that I should read when I get done with my current novel rough draft, then let me know in the comments.

6. Don’t mistake impatience for drive. And don’t mistake slowness for “getting it just right.” You’ve got to balance the need for quality and the need to get your work out there. Don’t send it out too soon, but at the same time don’t spend too much time pruning it. Both are signs that you’re being too indulgent with yourself.

7. Aim to get paid for doing this. Treat it like a job, or a second job if you already have a job. That means if you have to self-publish, at the very least read marketing and business books and then come up with a plan to move as many units as possible.

8. Writing mothers should get some form of childcare while they write. No exceptions. If you’re answer to that is, “I can’t, because…” — see #10,

9. If you’re a writer and you’re depressed, then it just might be because you’re not writing regularly. You’d be surprised how many issues writing regularly solves.

10. No excuses. If you don’t have time to write. MAKE time. If you’re a busy mom. GET HELP. If you don’t have any writing resources. ACQUIRE THEM. Whatever is stopping you from writing, FIGURE IT OUT. Seriously, figuring out how to write everyday is a great precursor to figuring out how to get to the end of a novel. Vow to yourself that you won’t let anything stop you from reaching your goal of a finished, polished, published novel. Then clever your way around any road block that is put in your path.

Bonus: Prayer, Meditation, and Yoga work, but actually writing works even better.

So that’s me 22 cents. Do you have any advice about writing? If we get at least ten pieces of writing advice, we’ll throw them up next week for our readers.

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Ernessa T. Carter is the author of the novel, 32 CANDLES, which will be released on June 22, 2010. Pre-order your copy on Amazon here.

Top photo by billaday. Author image by Christian Hibbard.