Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

I don’t know that I was an ugly duckling in high school but I was definitely awkward. I was extremely shy growing up and we moved a lot which made things difficult as a shy child. I never seemed to fit in with any of the “crowds” in school. I always felt like maybe I was just born in the wrong decade. I was into peace and love and everyone getting along. I was interested in human rights and saving the planet.

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

Now that I am an adult,I have friends who are like minded now but I also have learned to embrace lots of different people as friends. I find it interesting to get to know people and to try and understand their point of view. You can learn a lot by listening to what others have to say even if you don’t always agree with them. I am so much happier as an adult than I was as a teen. Now my children are teenagers and I am hoping to make their experiences growing up happy. I hope that they can look back on their High School years fondly. ..

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

I think I would make sure that I told the before me to quit being so afraid of everything and everyone, because now that I look back on my life I can see that was what held me back. Fear of the unknown and fear that people would not like me or wouldn’t understand me. I have to fight these feelings still. However, now I can tell myself that I will not let the fear beat me anymore. I am a strong capable woman.

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

Absolutely! I was terribly shy, even though I got along with all my classmates. But I was terrified of asking girls out. I did not like how I looked, to the point where I for the most part banned pictures of me. There are not many from that time period. .

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

I swanned during college, particularly junior and senior years. I stopped playing things safe and started following my heart, and not just my head. I grew to like all aspects of myself more. I knew that my original career path, engineering, was not going to make me happy, so I started pursuing entertainment. This new abandon flowed into all aspects of my life, the personal and emotional as well as the career.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

Don’t worry so much about the grades. Still try hard, but enjoy those high school years more. Take chances, especially emotionally–don’t be so shy!

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

YES, I considered myself an ugly duckling in school. I was so surprised when I was able to be a cheerleader and consider it (and when I got contact lenses) the beginning of my “swanning” experience. Looking back though, I see how beautiful I was. .

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

It’s still a process for me that began in high school but continues to this day. Each year, I become more confident in who I am and what I will make happen. 33 feels like it’s going to be a GREAT year though. I always knew there would be something about the thirties. I continue to be a cheerleader–for people instead of sports–and love the role I’ve been given. Ultimately I think it’s becoming a mother that flipped a switch in me. It allowed me to be who I’m naturally gifted to be and show my boys how it’s done.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

I would tell my old self to recognize my beauty, don’t be so down on myself and keep going to class – I swear I lost some personal discipline when I started skipping!

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

I absolutely considered myself an ugly duckling in high school! My mom worked at a private school and I was accepted to the school on a full-scholarship because she was an employee. Here I was, this poor kid wearing hand-me-down clothes going to class with girls who had parents who made literally 10 times (or much, much more) what my mom made in a year: the children of senators, CEOs, and other economic elite. They’d all dress down for the school week, but the weekend would roll by and their designer clothing would come out along with an apparently in-bred ability to do their hair and make-up perfectly. In the meantime, I was thanking the Lord that the grunge look had come into style and gleaning what fashion advice I could from Seventeen magazine. .

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

After a few years, of trying to hide, I took a chance and tried out for my school’s select choir, and… I made it. Seven other girls and I were trucked all over New England to performances and competitions. I realized that I was actually pretty good at something, and with that, I began to value myself, not the clothes I put on myself. I spoke up more. I stopped coasting in my classes, and went from being an OK student to excelling. To be frank, by the time I graduated, I was probably lacking in humility. I didn’t mind, though, because the confidence took me to a college I never would have thought I could attend when I was younger, on some world travels, and beyond.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

It is okay to fail. I was lucky, in a way, that I got into the singing group the first time I auditioned. Had I not, I may have let that be the end and been swallowed by my teen angst until it developed into adult bitterness. I’ve failed many times since my teens, most notably by studying 4 years to enter a career that I ended up hating, but the sun has continued to rise after every failure–literally and metaphorically. Move on, move on, move on!

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

I don’t think I would have described myself with the phrase “ugly duckling” in high school; I definitely felt like a “late bloomer.” I weighed 98 pounds on the first day of 9th grade. I was so short, skinny, and flat chested that I was regularly mistaken for an eleven-year-old, even by the age of 15 or 16. Boys were completely disinterested in my flat chest, sharp elbows, and knobby, coltish legs. Girls laughed “with” me about my training bras and the sag in the seat of my jeans. I felt invisible most of the time, and as though I was on display solely for the purpose of ridicule for the rest.

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

College made a big difference for me. I made some really great friends, and I gained a pleasantly-placed “freshman fifteen”. But mostly, I just grew out of adolescence and learned to be a lot more comfortable with who I was. Once I liked myself better, the rest of the world started to come around, too.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

I’d tell myself to hang on, and stick it out. That high school boys usually make crappy boyfriends, anyway. And that all those girls laughing at me were just as self-conscious about their big boobs and thick thighs as I was about my painfully conspicuous lack thereof. I’d promise that one day soon I would love myself to pieces, and that my flawed, fabulous body would come to perform miraculous feats. I’d give my high school self a big strong hug and tell her that she’s absolutely gorgeous. And I’d hope like hell that she believed me.

Submit your own THEN and NOW story HERE!

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

Definitely. My nose was too big for my face, my eyes were too brown and I had a big butt. That’s what I thought anyway (I would kill for that butt now). I was happy enough doing my rebellious, nerdy, arty thing, but resented the popular kids, I guess because I wasn’t one of them. Of course I never tried to be one of them, so I don’t know what I was expecting..

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

In my senior year of high school, I had enough credits to start taking classes outside of school. It made me more independent, and more interesting. But it wasn’t until a few years into art school that I really felt comfortable in what I was doing and who I was. And to be honest, it sometimes takes even longer than that, but I think growing up on the inside is a very slow process.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

You are beautiful, and all the other girls probably feel the same awkward way. Yes, even the popular kids. No matter what happens in high school, when you and your classmates grow up you’ll all be the same. Adults with your own lives, your own interests and your own unique qualities. Try not to spend a lot of time worrying about silly things. You’ll be grown up soon enough. Just make the best decisions you can, and your future will unfold in its own special way.

Gudrun blogs every other Thursday at Fierce and Nerdy. Read her past blogumn HERE. And submit your own THEN and NOW story HERE.

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

I definitely considered myself an ugly duckling in high school – I felt that I didn’t have the right clothes, hair, skin color, or politics. My mother put her salary towards the education and day-to-day necessities of her children/family. I had hair that quickly transitioned to its natural, nappy state at the first spray of moisture, to my continual dismay. I lacked the light to white skin tone that the boys (no matter their race) at my high school preferred, as well as a mane of long, straight or wavy hair that seemed to guarantee attractiveness. To top it off, my liberal views did not go over well with the evangelical, conservative private Christian high school that I attended (in Orange County, CA) either. .

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

In my view, I officially became a swan in college. I went to a fantastic college – Smith College, where I met many women who were just like me or what I would be upon graduation: smart, thoughtful, confident, and outspoken. Women who shine. I started wearing natural hair styles that complemented my facial features. My liberal politics became broader and more well-informed due to college study and interactions/friendships with a broader range of people. I studied economics and political science, and could more than hold my own in debates about public policy. I started down a path for a successful career that would enable me to be financially independent and intellectually stimulated. I refused to settle when it came to dating and, while in college, I met a wonderful guy who loves and respects me – we have a great partnership that is 14 years strong.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

Hang in there. You have a well thought-out plan to study your way out. Don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help, or afraid to continually push yourself out of your comfort zone in coursework. The point is to push yourself intellectually as hard as possible. Your successes in high school will lay the groundwork for future opportunities to propel yourself in many different ways. You will leapfrog to a completely different and vastly improved trajectory (economic and social) for success if you hold on. Follow your heart, and do not let anyone lead you down a path that feels wrong. Take your stand and do not waver.

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

I attended a very blonde, blue-eyed kind of school system. From the time I was very little, I remember feeling different, and not different good. Kids asked if I lived in a tee-pee or wigwam, for example. Rather than the girl boys got crushes on, I was the girl they asked to deliver their messages to the girls they got crushes on. By the time I reached high school, the idea of myself as a genderless nerd had firmly entrenched itself in my mind. I had very little concept of myself as a beautiful girl, and forget about sexuality. It was unthinkable. Like a yeast, I assumed I might one day bud.

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

It’s been a long road. I started to realize I was beautiful in my twenties, but it was not until I turned 33 that I finally felt comfortable with myself sexually. The “swanning” was an entirely mental process – it was never really about how I looked, it was about how I felt about how I looked. Now whenever I look in the mirror or catch my reflection in a shop window, I make a point of looking for something I like, not searching for so-called flaws.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

You are not fat. I repeat. You are not fat. And also, you are not fat. You are beautiful. Those high school boys, they don’t know a damn thing. Just wait. You don’t have to be afraid of being beautiful. It’s okay to be beautiful, not shameful or dangerous. Those news articles that your mother keeps showing you about rape and murder are not the whole story. You can hold your head high. Oh and, please think about wire frames for your next pair of glasses.

Then:

Did you consider yourself an ugly duckling in high school?

Yes. All throughout school I thought I was ugly. I did not like my nappy hair and I hated my dark skin. Up until my first year of college, I wore makeup that was two shades lighter than my actual skin color. It is funny and sad all at the same time as I think back on it now…

Now:

When and how did you officially “swan?”

I met women in college, particularly women of color, in all different shapes, sizes and colors. And they loved who they were and embraced their differing looks with full force. By senior year I had stopped wearing makeup and cut off all my hair into a very short natural. Today, I rock a lock mohawk with my business suit (still no make up) with my head held high as I strut into meetings with colleagues.

Advice:

What advice would you give to the Before you?:

Today you hate your dark skin and nappy hair. Believe it or not, tomorrow you will love it. Today your closet is full of an assorted collection of foundations, lipsticks and eyeshadows. Tomorrow, putting on lipgloss will seem like a big deal. Today, you look into the mirror and struggle to love yourself. Tomorrow, you’ll look in your son’s face and see yourself and be so proud that he is the spitting image of his mother.