So, continuing my thoughts on the God said “Ha!” meme. I have come to accept that whenever I make a good plan obstacles will come up. I don’t think this is God say “Ha!” I think of it more as a “Do You Really Want This?” pop quiz from the universe.

I rarely get sick, but if I do, it’s probably a sure bet that I’ve started a new exercise plan. A couple of weeks after I vowed to write every day until I finished the last big rewrite of my rogue sci-fi novel, both my dog and my MIL went into the hospital.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to make plans then keep on the alert for obstacles. I take long walks when I’m not feeling well. I get up earlier and work harder when I don’t have childcare. In the words of the great Tim Gunn, I make it work, no matter what life throws at me these days.

So the next time you make a plan, maybe try planning for unforeseen obstacles as well. Something beyond your control is going to come up, figure out how to get around or over it. I’ll leave you now with this great piece of advice that Ms. Terry McMillan tweeted a few weeks ago:

“We are tested every single day by the challenges we are forced to face. Pass the test.”

So, continuing my thoughts on the God said “Ha!” meme. I have come to accept that whenever I make a good plan obstacles will come up. I don’t think this is God say “Ha!” I think of it more as a “Do You Really Want This?” pop quiz from the universe.

I rarely get sick, but if I do, it’s probably a sure bet that I’ve started a new exercise plan. A couple of weeks after I vowed to write every day until I finished the last big rewrite of my rogue sci-fi novel, both my dog and my MIL went into the hospital.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to make plans then keep on the alert for obstacles. I take long walks when I’m not feeling well. I get up earlier and work harder when I don’t have childcare. In the words of the great Tim Gunn, I make it work, no matter what life throws at me these days.

So the next time you make a plan, maybe try planning for unforeseen obstacles as well. Something beyond your control is going to come up, figure out how to get around or over it. I’ll leave you now with this great piece of advice that Ms. Terry McMillan tweeted a few weeks ago:

“We are tested every single day by the challenges we are forced to face. Pass the test.”

Featured Image Credit: SnoShuu

Featured Image Credit: SnoShuu

If there’s one folk saying that makes me gnash my teeth, it’s the one that goes something along the lines of “Want to make God laugh? Start making plans.”

Seriously, how many people do you know who have been blessed with unplanned success? The vast majority of successful people are successful because they set goals and made actionable plans to achieve them. When you dig, you’ll find that there really isn’t really a lot of dumb luck when it comes to succeeding at something.

What really makes this piece of conventional wisdom regretful is that it gives people an excuse not to plan ahead. I wish the saying went, “Want to make God laugh? Don’t make any plans whatsoever.” I think that God is in the blueprint you make for your life. Planning is good. Planning helps you achieve goals. What’s bad is inflexible planning.

For example, I set a writing goal to finish this current draft of my novel by October 15th. When I made this plan, I didn’t think I would need any time off for six weeks, but as it turns out, that’s a recipe for burnout. So this past Saturday, I adjusted my plan, and now I’ll finish the next draft by November 1st, because I’ll be taking off on the weekends. I don’t feel like my plan failed, I hear no rumbling laughter from the heavens above. I’m just glad that when an obstacle (like burnout) got thrown in my way, I was able to adjust my blueprint. Voila!

Speaking of obstacles, we’re going to talk about those tomorrow. Meanwhile I”m wondering if there’s a piece of conventional wisdom that you just don’t believe to be true. Let me know in the comments.

Featured Image Credit: wikicommons

The other month a friend asked me for advice re fertility testing, IUI, and IVF. Here’s what I told her below. If you, too, have been through fertility testing, IUI, or IVF, please feel free to add your two cents in the comments.

1. Cut back at work. I actually quit my job during the process, b/c basically you have to revolve around your ovulation cycle and show up to appointments at the drop of a dime sometimes. If people are counting on you to be certain places at certain times, you’re going to drive them and yourself crazy. So don’t quit your job, but if you can, do the bare minimum to keep your job and don’t take on any new projects.

2. Pick someone to vent to outside of your partner.

3. Make a worst-case scenario budget. For example we said that we would pay for any fertility tests that we needed. And would try IUI up to 5 times (we were advised to stop after two tries). And we agreed that we would only try IVF twice b/c it is so expensive. A lot of people don’t like to think about the worst-case scenario, but that’s how you end up divorced and broke. Agree beforehand how far you and your partner want to take this before you look into adoption or not having children at all. The process is very hard on marriages and much like with parenting, you want to be on the same page. The worst fights come when one partner wants to keep trying and the other is like, “No, we’ve spent too much money.” Have the fight BEFORE you start the process.

4. Have some hard discussions about finances. If IUI works, there’s a good chance that you’ll have multiples. Discuss what you want to do if it turns out that you’re pregnant with more than two babies. Also, discuss the fact that if you do get pregnant with multiples, you will be put on bed rest at some point during your pregnancy and won’t be able to work. Seriously, I can’t stress enough how important budgeting is beforehand.

5. Start doing Date Night now. Date Night is basically a date every other week where you don’t talk about infertility. The process is consuming and it’s easy to forget about your partner’s needs and wants. Date Night is a great way to touch base and remind yourselves why you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together in the first place. Also, Date Night helps to keep you both sane during the often long process of getting pregnant. And it sets a great precedent for parenthood, when your Date Night will be you two agreeing to go out and not talk about your child(ren).

If we were at an airport, I would run to you in slow motion and swing you around in my arms — that’s how much I missed you all. The good news is that we won’t have to be apart again until the holidays. The bad news is that though I’m happy to be back home, I am seriously missing Hawaii, to the point that I’m wondering if we shouldn’t put a moratorium on going there just to avoid the terrible case of post-vacation blues that we get whenever we come back.

One of the best things about living in LA is that I become more grateful for living here whenever I go other places. For example, when I go home to St. Louis, I wonder how my family puts up with the weather extremes, as I no longer have to deal with being too hot or too cold. For the better part of the year, the weather in LA is just right, and even when it’s in the 90s-100s, it’s nowhere near obnoxious as unbearably humid St. Louis at the same temperatures. When I go to New York, I love the gritty glamour of the city, but tut over that fact that it’s now almost impossible to live in Manhattan unless you’re super rich. So most of time I’m happy to come home from wherever I’m visiting, but Hawaii is different.

Every time we go, it seems that we spend less and less time enjoying our vacation for what it is, and more and more time lamenting that we don’t live in the Aloha State. I love writing by the ocean. My husband loves the state’s friendly vibe. But he’s firmly entrenched in the entertainment industry, and though I now romanticize my many years as a starving artist, I’ve no interest in going back to that life. Being able to pay your bills is sexy. Health insurance is even sexier.

Still, it’s nice to imagine dropping everything and dropping out to move to Hawaii. And it has me wondering where all you guys would live if money and industry weren’t an object. Let me know in the comments!